i remember hallowee-ee-ee-een, hallowee-ee-een, hallowee-ee-en, halloween.

halloween had a serious lull during the mid teens, didn't it? before that time, it was awesome...free candy, dressing like a ninja, authenticity of gore in the costume always was cool and not geeky. then you hit the mid teens. anyone who still went trick or treating then was a jackass. yeah, you heard me. 14-18 year olds would go door to door, and say they were "dressed as my brother" or "a secret agent...they look like everyone else". that's just pathetic. as Lrrr of the planet Omicron Persei 8 would say, "Get a job!"

then came booze in conjunction with halloween. suddenly, it was fun and meaningful again. no matter how stupid a costume is, it becomes funny by the end of the night. and, as an added bonus, the more offensive or ridiculous your costume is, the more it is appreciated. now, it takes effort to pull off a good one. you can't go as "a pirate" or "freddy kreuger" (you all knew that kid)...now you have to be "steve irwin", "terry schaivo", or "guy fucking a bear". you could also simply dress like an asshole and be a "child molester" (thanks Mart) or "Dustin Diamond". the required complexity of the costumes juxtaposed with the inherent immaturity of the social connotations surrounding said costumes shows that as our intelligence increases, so does our childishness. which is strangely comforting. (this coming from a man/boy who still enjoys shotgunning cans of PBR on a porch at 8:30am).

for these reasons, i still look forward to halloween. not only is it a time to dress like an idiot and get wasted, it is a time to be around a bunch of your friends who are doing the same...which makes it pleasantly different from the other times that i dress like an idiot and get wasted.

i'm outskies.

(by the way, if you get the misfits reference in the title, you rule...kudos)

round two.

school is more fun than work. ok...school is more fun than my current work. let me try this again...school is more flexible and i can get more hanging out, drinking, and sleeping done than my current work. yep. that's the right one.

as many of you know, i've worked at this job for almost 7 years now, on and off. it's at a structural engineering firm, and i have one of the best bosses in the entire world. i can basically set my own hours, handle my own tasks, and have my run of just about all of the office. when my boss is in, we spend most of the time shooting Seinfeld quotes back and forth and laughing our asses off. in these respects, it's close to a dream job. yet, it has some serious downfalls, including a traffic-y 1 to 1.5 hour ride to and from work, there's often not enough work to be done (leading to boredom), and it's clearly not the most interesting work.

i will be sad to leave it for the first set of reasons, but i need to start brewing.

ahh, brewing...right now, i have all of the parts needed to finish building my chest freezer-turned-kegerator/"fermentation chamber"/"coolness machine" en route to my house. i haven't been more excited about something in a while. i'm probably going to name it "Excalibur". first up...latte stout...after that, a mildly spiced amber and a butternut squash ale for T-giving. i haven't brewed since mid-July, so i'm fuckin' excited.

and now, an itemized list summarizing the experience of Bomz' Halloween party last weekend:

• gallons of skippys (a surprisingly tasty mixture of cheap beer, cheaper vodka, and countrytime lemonade mix), kegs, shots, 60 minute IPA beer pong


• bizarre door prizes (i won some sort of doll and one of the spirally ribbed condoms)


• Wheelz dressed as a cell phone, yelling about speed dialing while he danced and saying that Amy was gonna have "phone sex" later

fun times were had. too much booze was consumed. i couldn't feel anything on sunday.

coming up this weekend is another halloween extravaganza in Media. it is at a friend's girlfriend's house, which means by Media rules, we're never gonna be allowed to go back there after this Saturday night. i'm pumped.

while i'd like to take this blog to somewhere other than drinking, it's momentum would die at this point (if it has any left at all), so i'll stay on that topic...

i'm finally going to iowa to hang out with my brother and see my newborn nephew, Dash Parker Weiss Shortway. seeing my nephew is really great, but so is being able to finally back up every drinking story my brother has told to his friends about me with a live demonstration. should be legendary.

on a final note for this installment, i will be, once again, hosting another house party... it is NOT going to be as grand as the last time (i only have 12 hours to clean it this time, not a week like last time), but it should be damn fun. Shortways know how to throw parties. not sure why, but we do. it will be a two-nighter this time, Dec. 1st and 2nd, and all are welcome. flip cup, stupid tunes, and copious amounts of booze will be provided free of charge. i'd like to keep it to a 1Gpp limit (Garv-per-person), so please respect that. Canadian friends are also very welcome to come down...and encouraged.

RSVP, motherfuckers.

chewing on the joker.

well, BK called me out with his comment about how rarely i've been posting, and i'm not gonna put up with that shit, so here goes...

well, to continue on my teaser from the last blog, i'll give you the whole story: i went to Media a few weeks ago for some unabashed debauchery. i arrived to Panger's place, with him waiting for me outside his apartment with a PBR pounder can for me. Pangz is the man. that night was pretty normal...hung out at his place with Jim, Ian, Dennis, etc. the true hilarity came the next day, after a long wait for decisions to pan out and the night to begin. it began with a ridiculously large order for dinner from a nearby Italian place. Dennis ordered a large cheesesteak calzone. Wheelz got a small calzone. i saw the small and thought it was the large, exclamating, "Holy Shit! That's ridiculous," with Wheelz responding, "That's the small one, man." Then, i saw that the large was so big, it needed a 16" pizza box. this calzone was so big, that every time anyone looked at it, they broke into hysterical laughter. Dennis, who is a big, big dude, took a massive piece off of it, one that was big even for his hands, and it barely reduced the size of this motherfucker. we estimated it to have 6-7 cheesesteaks worth of chipped beef in it. needless to say, money stated getting thrown down.

basically, i told wheelz that he couldn't eat the rest of the large calzone after he ate his smaller one. he accepted when 40 bucks was offered. then Amy told him he wasn't allowed to try. they argued for a bit, with Wheelz backing down. at least until we went to party without Amy.

then, we all went to scott's house, so the gang composed of: Wheelz, Pangz, Ian, Dennis, Greg, me, Scott, and Allison (Scott's special lady). here, me and Wheelz started shotgunning PBR pounders, finding ways to make a beer bong using kitchen appliances, and basically drinking copious amounts of cheap beer. thankfully, Allison realized when it was a good time to head to bed, because the competitions started as soon as someone brought the 2/3 of a large calzone out to the table. after it was down to a little over a third of its original size. we offered Wheelz about 25 bucks to finish it. he started taking monstrous bites, much too big for his chewing ability. after slowing down (and almost choking a few times), he finished it. for some bizarre reason, someone had mentioned eating the top of the pizza box. (we're weird, I don't deny it). i offered 40 bucks, and the total came to over 60 for him to eat the whole top...also, this was a corrugated cardboard box, not one of those flimsy ones. well, he took two bites, started eating it, and that's where it ended. he was so disappointed that he shouted, "damn!...alright, i'll eat the joker!!" and he grabbed the joker out of the deck and chewed it down.

to sum up the rest of the night, we drank more, i ended up eating a dollar bill, wheelz, dennis, and pangz left early, some weirdos from next door showed up and kicked the ever-loving shit out of some kid in the street, some nympho 45 year old from down the street started hitting on the rest of us, then left. interesting night.

well, as of today, i'm 9 days past my knee surgery. i've got some work to do now, but I will post about that ordeal in a day or so.

take it eas'.

IT'S FUCKING ON.

the date has been decided. the propaganda has begun. name suggestions are coming in.

it.
is.
on.

for those who do not know what i'm talking about, i am planning one of the longer, more insane, more "crazy-go-nuts" parties in the existence of Team Beerz. we're talking kegs, flip cup tournaments, dizzy bat races, bottles of nighttrain, irish carbombs, beer pong, fireworks, cards, beer bongs, keg stands, NO garvs (or greg), and so much more. i have been in the planning phase for about a month now, and there is much more to come. this post is to officially announce the date. the party will be at my house in NJ and begin on thursday, april 27th. now, i know a lot of you will not be able to make it down for that night, but stay with me here...the party starts on thursday at a level of about DEFCON 4. as friday rolls around, more people (the mature, working fools) will begin to show up. this day/evening will escalate to about DEFCON 3 or, if things go as planned, DEFCON 2. as the sun rises on saturday, all hell will being to break loose...kegs & eggs leading into a Team Beerz reunion football game in my front yard leading into a party of truly epic proportions (DEFCON 1), during which the local officials might send in the national guard. then, as we drink with the sun rising, sunday will approach. sunday is a time during which a lot of working folks will have to leave, but those who wish to stay will continue the party (cause drinking on sunday just has that "je ne sais quoi"). it will obviously be less powerful than saturday, but fucking great nonetheless. finally, as monday comes, we will have one last hurrah. a night to close out the 5-day event. not necessarily with a bang, but with a solid attitude reminiscent of college times past.

there is one goal for this party. reunite everyone. and i mean everyone. the Media people. the Tamaqua people. the (insert weird rural PA town where some friends live) people. oh yeah...and get everyone BLITZED. once all these people come together, we will have some other folks, a few from montreal, a few from NJ, a few from other parts of PA, etc. though, let me stress again...NO GARVS. we don't need those fucks sucking down our beer and stealing shit from my house.

I'm still unsure how deep into the ol' penn state crowd this is going to go, but my only hope is that all of the original group (and you know who you are) will sign on as soon as possible. this isn't a wedding, so i'm not sending out invitations or any shit like that, but i'm going to be talking to each and every one of you people to ensure your presence.

so. here's the info to remember:

when:
Thursday, April 27th: Kickoff Thursday
Friday, April 28th: Night Train to Insanity
Saturday, April 29th: Welcome to the Thunderdome, bitches.
Sunday, April 30th: Easy Like a Sunday Morning, Afternoon, Evening, Night
Monday, May 1st: This is the End, Beautiful Friend

where:
at my house in NJ. i'm not putting an address up for obvious reasons. if you need it, you'll know it by the time the party starts. as for accomodations, there is plenty of room at my house for everyone to crash. there are places to park. there will be food. and blankets. therefore, there will be absolutely no driving home until the morning after some sleep.

what:
look above.

well. i'm pumped. and the end of this post is imminent. if anyone has any questions, suggestions, and/or demands about the event, comment here, IM me, or email me at nshortway@gmail.com.

the countdown has begun. look to your right -->