i'm thinking about getting metal legs.

just some randoms:

-otis day and the knights aren't (at least aren't supposed to be) a real band. apparently, "my man" otis was a random character actor named dewayne jessie, who got hired to play the tiny role of otis. immediately following the movie, the popularity of his two scenes had booking agents from all over the country booking the fake band at clubs and frat parties. to this (otis) day, the knights are still touring the country. this leads to a few conclusions: 1. apparently being able to play "shout" and "shamalama ding dong" over and over and over is apparently more profitable than singing glam metal songs about big butts and dwarven druidian monuments, hence otis day is still playing and spinal tap is not. 2. if i ever have another party, the knights are gonna play.

-those HP commercials saying "the computer is personal again" are the biggest loads of crap. apparently all other computers aren't personal because you cannot watch a DVD without booting up or etch labels onto CDRs. the fact that a huge company spent lots of money to make commercials that only ignorant assholes would ever fall for leads me to believe that there must be many more ignorant assholes than i had originally predicted. i can just imagine someone in best buy looking at a dell pc and saying to the salesperson, "no, i want one of those HPs...they're more geared to my personal needs." and now i just threw up in my mouth a little.

-i don't know why people take percocet for recreational purposes. i was on it (3 pills every 4-5 hours) for about a week, and never felt the euphoria people talked about. the only time i felt a really nice feeling was after my surgery when they gave me four doses of demerol and two percs all at once (yeah, i have a high tolerance). in fact, i actually stopped using the percocet early in order to be able to drink beer again...not really sure what that says about me and my habits, but it wouldn't have been the obvious choice for someone who just had a tendon ripped out of their knee then screwed into their bones.

-i watched one episode of nip/tuck and i saw: a breast-fondling dwarf male nurse, hash-brownie fueled visions of a satan personification fucking an 18 year old girl, a husband killing his dog after finding out his wife was lathering her clam with peanut butter to get the dog to take care of her biznass, and lesbian organ thieves. i don't know whether this means i should never watch it again, or that i should rent all the last seasons and catch up.

-physical therapy sucks. especially when the session begins each time with a hamstring deep tissue massage that makes me bite my finger to the point of drawing blood. i have a really high tolerance for pain...i voluntarily stopped the percs despite the constant pain...i caught a running circular saw in my thigh when i was 14 and finished the day of work at the construction job...i ran almost a mile with a dislocated elbow and two sprained ankles...but this is close to unbearable.

time to ice the knee and have some more beer.

chewing on the joker.

well, BK called me out with his comment about how rarely i've been posting, and i'm not gonna put up with that shit, so here goes...

well, to continue on my teaser from the last blog, i'll give you the whole story: i went to Media a few weeks ago for some unabashed debauchery. i arrived to Panger's place, with him waiting for me outside his apartment with a PBR pounder can for me. Pangz is the man. that night was pretty normal...hung out at his place with Jim, Ian, Dennis, etc. the true hilarity came the next day, after a long wait for decisions to pan out and the night to begin. it began with a ridiculously large order for dinner from a nearby Italian place. Dennis ordered a large cheesesteak calzone. Wheelz got a small calzone. i saw the small and thought it was the large, exclamating, "Holy Shit! That's ridiculous," with Wheelz responding, "That's the small one, man." Then, i saw that the large was so big, it needed a 16" pizza box. this calzone was so big, that every time anyone looked at it, they broke into hysterical laughter. Dennis, who is a big, big dude, took a massive piece off of it, one that was big even for his hands, and it barely reduced the size of this motherfucker. we estimated it to have 6-7 cheesesteaks worth of chipped beef in it. needless to say, money stated getting thrown down.

basically, i told wheelz that he couldn't eat the rest of the large calzone after he ate his smaller one. he accepted when 40 bucks was offered. then Amy told him he wasn't allowed to try. they argued for a bit, with Wheelz backing down. at least until we went to party without Amy.

then, we all went to scott's house, so the gang composed of: Wheelz, Pangz, Ian, Dennis, Greg, me, Scott, and Allison (Scott's special lady). here, me and Wheelz started shotgunning PBR pounders, finding ways to make a beer bong using kitchen appliances, and basically drinking copious amounts of cheap beer. thankfully, Allison realized when it was a good time to head to bed, because the competitions started as soon as someone brought the 2/3 of a large calzone out to the table. after it was down to a little over a third of its original size. we offered Wheelz about 25 bucks to finish it. he started taking monstrous bites, much too big for his chewing ability. after slowing down (and almost choking a few times), he finished it. for some bizarre reason, someone had mentioned eating the top of the pizza box. (we're weird, I don't deny it). i offered 40 bucks, and the total came to over 60 for him to eat the whole top...also, this was a corrugated cardboard box, not one of those flimsy ones. well, he took two bites, started eating it, and that's where it ended. he was so disappointed that he shouted, "damn!...alright, i'll eat the joker!!" and he grabbed the joker out of the deck and chewed it down.

to sum up the rest of the night, we drank more, i ended up eating a dollar bill, wheelz, dennis, and pangz left early, some weirdos from next door showed up and kicked the ever-loving shit out of some kid in the street, some nympho 45 year old from down the street started hitting on the rest of us, then left. interesting night.

well, as of today, i'm 9 days past my knee surgery. i've got some work to do now, but I will post about that ordeal in a day or so.

take it eas'.