sir spam-a-lot

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-this was the first paragraph of a four paragraph spam email i got today. damn. whoever wrote this, i want their drugs. i know...i know...no one "wrote" it, it was generated by some algorithm. but, to what end? in the middle of the meandering ramblings of this "turned-on, tuned-in, dropped-out" text generator, there was an ad for a vibrating cock ring. i just can't imagine that anyone would:

a) start reading the email, and think: "yeah, i've always thought that mastodons accurately take recorders".
b) see the cock ring ad in the middle of such incoherent babble, and think "i did always need a vibrating cock ring...why not now?".
c) think a and b simultaneously.

while option c would most likely make someone's head explode like the people in Scanners, i'm sure some people have succumbed to spam such as this. now, i have nothing against vibrating cock rings, but these people voted for Hubert Humphrey. and they killed Jesus.

another puzzler about this and so much other spam: it's not even fucking addressed to me! the address in the "To:" field is patrick.zwietering@gmail.com...i'm not sure, and correct me if i'm wrong, but my name is not patrick zwietering. i'm an IT person, so i should know the answer to this, but i just can't figure it out...and my brain hurts when i try.

what someone really should do is turn this spam into a social experiment. take one of these emails, bring it to a poetry night at your local "i'm not sure if i'm goth or hippie" coffee joints, and read it. 100 bucks says you get applause. or snaps.